Here's a number that hurts: $120,500.

That's how much the average working caregiver loses in lifetime income, according to a new AARP report out last week. Lost paychecks, a thinner 401(k) and a smaller Social Security check, all because they stepped back from work to help a parent.

And the bills are climbing. A separate AARP survey found family caregivers now spend $11,508 a year out of pocket, nearly 60% more than five years ago.

November is National Family Caregivers Month, and in two weeks a lot of us will be sitting across the Thanksgiving table from parents who are getting older. So today we're running the numbers now, before anyone has to make a big decision in a hospital hallway.

In today's edition of Dinner Table Discussions:

✅ Where the $120,500 actually comes from
✅ Cut your hours or pay for help? The math for a $75K earner
✅ The 5-step family plan to bring to Thanksgiving

Bon appétit! 🧑‍🍳

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About 63 million Americans are family caregivers, and 59 million of them are caring for an aging adult. Most of them have jobs. Plenty have kids at home too: 29% are in the sandwich generation.

We get it. When Mom needs help, nobody opens a spreadsheet first. You show up. That instinct is a good one, and we'd never talk you out of it.

But how you show up has a price tag, and it's usually much bigger than the gas money and grocery runs. The biggest cost never shows up on a receipt: the hours you stop working.

AARP modeled what happens to people who cut back at work to care for a family member. The average working caregiver loses $120,500 over a lifetime:

And that's the average. Caregivers who give up the equivalent of more than 2½ years of full-time work face losses approaching $450,000.

Why does Social Security take a hit? Your benefit is based on your 35 highest years of indexed earnings. Low-pay or zero-pay years can get pulled into that average and shrink the check for life.

Meanwhile, the out-of-pocket bills keep coming. AARP's 2026 survey of 2,538 caregivers found the average one spends $11,508 a year, about 31% of household income. For dementia caregivers, it's $15,846.

Meet a hypothetical parent we'll call Jess. She earns $75,000 a year (about $36 an hour), gets a 4% 401(k) match and puts in 6% herself. Her dad needs help about 20 hours a week, so her plan is to go half-time for three years.

Here's what that costs her:

Now the twist. After taxes, Jess's hour is worth about $23.56. A paid caregiver costs a national median of $35 an hour. So on paper, doing it herself looks cheaper.

That's exactly why so many of us do it. But the paycheck is only one line. Add the lost 401(k) growth, the Social Security hit and the raise or promotion that's harder to get while you're half-time, and the gap closes fast.

Our take: don't make cutting hours Plan A. Use leave, family and paid help first, and if you do go part-time, do it on purpose, with a timeline and an end date. The exception: short stretches (a surgery recovery, a few months of rehab) or care so hands-on that nobody else can do it. Then cutting back can be the right call. Just make it with the numbers in front of you.

Here's the national price list from CareScout's 2025 Cost of Care Survey, plus what each option looks like split three ways among siblings:

Look at row two. Adult day care runs about $95 a day and covers the workday, which is exactly the window a working caregiver needs. Split three ways, that's $686 a month per sibling. Going half-time costs Jess about $2,042 a month in take-home pay.

Siblings who live far away often can't give time. Many can give money. A fair split counts both: the sibling doing the driving and the doctor visits shouldn't also pay an equal share.

You don't need to solve everything over pie. You just need to start. Here's what we'd do this week, in under 30 minutes:

What to tell the kids: they're watching how you treat Grandma. Let them help (a card, a visit, a video call) and tell them, in kid-sized words, that planning ahead is how families take care of each other.

Caring for a parent is one of the most generous things you'll ever do. It's also one of the most expensive, and most of that cost hides in your paycheck, your 401(k) and your Social Security record.

So run the math before you cut your hours. Use leave, paid help and your siblings first. If you do step back, do it on purpose, with an end date and your 401(k) match intact.

This Thanksgiving, add one item to the menu: a 20-minute family money talk. Future you (and your kids) will thank you.

Cheers to getting 1% better each week! 🥂

This is not financial advice. Always do your own research.

What's been harder, the time or the money? Your story could help another family plan ahead.
Just hit reply and share.

Thanks for reading,
Your friends @ Future Funders 🍽️

P.S. Forward this to the sibling you'll be sitting next to at Thanksgiving 😁